1/23/2014

Great Adventures Come At Great Costs.

Hiraeth

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.


The answer was Oz.  The mysterious land of Oz.  


Being told by my parents that I had 1 month to find a new place to live and that I could never live with them again I had to make some fast decisions.  I had been thinking about Oz for about a month at that point and so I moved quickly on the idea.  Sold what I had, gave my sister the rest, got on a plane and left.


All I needed on my back.  No place to return to.  No clue what lied ahead, or where I was going.  LEAP!  Very scared,humble, and alone I arrived. With about $600 dollars to my name, plus 4k credit card limit I arrived. 

It's 100% humidity at this moment.  It's been just over 2 months and all my money is gone and bout half of my credit card is filled. 

I'm 28 and foolish.  I follow my heart.  I still believe in dreams and miracles.  I refuse to settle with a job I hate.  I've burnt more bridges than I'd like to acknowledge. My friends are spread thin all over the world and the states. I still don't know what to "do" with my life.  I want to ask why can't I just "be"?  Why can't that be enough? 

(Answer: Because no one is paying you to just be you.)

I've moved over a dozen times in the last few years, and am now living abroad, and all I want to do is settle down.  Find a place of my own and make it my home.

Maybe Oz wasn't the answer.  Maybe me taking responsibility for my life is

Sometimes, Gandalf doesn't show up at the last moment on a white horse with trolls to help fight off all your problems.  Sometimes you're left on the field and look to the left and no one else is there.  Sometimes you have to fight your own battles all by your self, and crawl away broken, but alive.

Australia is a big strong country and it will take all that you have to survive it.  It is way different than I imagined.  It is more varied in climate and more intense.  I do love it here but surprisingly don't want to stay here forever.  (I thought I was going to try to immigrate before I arrived. lol.)

For me, I had to leave behind the home I knew because it wasn't a good place for me to be.  I had to leave the comfort of what I knew and be forced to live with my decisions on my own.  I'm starting to see the value of planning ahead.  Instead of only 2 months of preparation for moving to a new country maybe 2 years next time? lol.  

I don't know how much longer I can live here, I am at the moment looking for work down south in Australia.  We'll see how that works out.  Not sure how much more humble I can become.

-Hayles











1 comment:

  1. I know that feeling, it doesn't go away after the first time you leave home either! It changes as we change, but the longing is always there in some shape or form. I'm so proud of you for taking the leap, however scary it may be. I'll be praying for you, to have peace about this whole thang! Love ya friend. :)

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