Ignorance is bliss.
Lately I've been thinking about how the more you know, the more weight you gain mentally. I'm not sure how to word that statement. The truth about life isn't pretty, is what I'm saying I guess. I sought to know more of the world, people, relationships, the way things worked and didn't work. I wanted to know for myself (about this or that). I'm learning that it isn't always best to learn by experience. Though it teaches you the hardest lessons.
Maybe its best if you don't understand the pain and sturggle that a addict knows... *you get my drift.
I'm done seeking out pain and struggle. I think I've had enough now.
The last 2-3 years have been some of the hardest years of my life to date.
I wanted to get lost in my brain, lost in questions, thoughts, places, to be void of what I knew, what i clung to. To discover who was left, what was left whhen all else was gone.
The funny thing about getting lost is you don't neccesarily find who you are because certain parts of you die along the way, certain parts need to be nourished in order to be heard, or seen, or felt.
You become a shadow of the person you thought you were. Remembering what it was like to feel secure, to feel...
Its like putting yourself in a dark room, only you think your in a huge vast forest of darkness but really its just a small room with a door. You can walk out of the room whenever you want but for awhile you forget that.
But something changes, something is stripped away in the process.
The biggest thing I learned in the last 3 years is that all of it was a choice. I chose to put myself in darkness. I chose to struggle. I chose to think the way I did, which lead me to the places I was.
Today, and everyday I choose to think of the good. Not to be blind to the darkness, but to focus on the light.
Basically your parents train you on what to see. But you can learn to see other things. *Positive Psychology
The more you see the good, the more good you will see. The more good will come to you as well because you will be radiating positive energy.
Today was a good day because:
The sun shined on my face...
I got to spend time with a friend i hadn't seen in awhile...
I heard some live music...
I have my own room and a queen sized bed.
I felt great, healthy, and well fed...
Moving forward I am actively and confidently pursuing the things that make my heart sing like photography, art, and music.